Friday, August 25, 2006

Insults

Today someone told me a word that I felt scared about. Asexual. Not homo, no thank you, I do not flap my fingers when I talk. Asexual is when you don't need a man or a woman. "How can you not need a girlfriend," a friend at some vague law firm tells me at a bar, a hookah stuffed in his mouth. I did not tell him the waiter had carried the hookah straight from the mouth of some giggling Punjabi aunty on the next table, who was slapping the thighs of some other aunty. The hookah is jootha. Aunties were still laughing, holding their blouses as if their breasts would pop out if they laughed any harder. "Hooka hee to hai," she was saying, implying Aunty No 2 was behaving like it was a dick or something. Anyway, so after 2-3 "listen to me, dude" and 1 full-white, full-cold Chardonay later, he said I was asexual. "No, my Hero," I wanted to say, "I am having a threesome with your girlfriend and sister." I wanted to say. In fact I was so drunk, I think I did say it. In fact I even told him my salary though he had been trying to get it out of me for many months, since March I think. Coz he knows if he knows my salary he knows the salary of 30 others. I know about confidentiality etc. but I wonder if inebriation is a defence. Perhaps it is an offence of itself. Fuck. Anyway, Karan is not the kind of guy I want to be seen with. He's too curious and not working hard to afford the things he wants such as a fridge full of foreign chocolates, foreign booze, foreign degrees, foreign gobi like brocolli. He isn't even mailing his resumes. He expects a personal invitation by our Super-Boss for an interview coz "everyone is leaving in your firm." Idiot. He calls himself a Bombay-boy, rides a bike that looks ike a ladies' moped (he says thin is in, please have you seen a Harley? I like thin only for women's bodies and cell phones. And iPods. Nothing else. Not even legal opinions.] AND he lives outside of south Delhi, and says "shaane" often which I am told cool people from south Bombay never use. And he dares to say someone who works hard at a top law firm is asexual.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should tell him 'teri to wat lag gayee'. pronounce 'wat' like a up bhayya would pronounce 'what'

3:32 AM  
Blogger The Happy Lawyer said...

i dont want him to think that i am changing my diction because of him.
again, it is a little unmasculine.
i may as well start calling his mom "mammee"
(it's just that i SAY it's unmasculine. other guys wouldn't say wat and all due to the same reason but not analyze it to these depths.)

3:43 AM  
Blogger BLogographos said...

wonderful blog. god, I hate those Bombay kids. I think the next time someone tells me they're from Bombay I will casually point out that to the best of my knowledge that place is somewhere south of Mehrauli and so I don't give a fuck. Stick it to him, and indeed, all of them.

1:22 PM  

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