Sunday, November 09, 2008

Sunil Shetty Girls

Some girls are Sunil Shetty with an Unnatural Accent Girls. These are girls who are like Sunil Shetty i.e. v confident of their super-coolness and with carefully cultivated bodies.

Now add a false accent to Sunil Shetty.

Signs you are a Sunny Shetty (with an Unnatural Accent) Girl
1. You are a big city girl. If are from north india, you may have small town roots which involve women who clap and sing sad songs at girls' weddings. But these roots are never mentioned. If you are from south india and have a north fetish, you have associated yourself with a northern city you have some domicilary ties to.

2. You skin fairness cream is hidden. Even behind the namkeen packets.

3. You have at some point dipped your hair in a pot of golden/bronze dye. The colour of terrace-monkey fur.

4. You think you lighten up atmosphere with your presence. The truth is people want to be nice to dangerous and insecure women like you.

5. You have an accent which makes one wonder where you are from. It's a Bond Girl accent. Just like we can never point out a region a Bond Girl belongs to. Just before you started sporting the accent you have either 1 . never hung out in the West; 2. have for no more than a year or 2.

6. You pretend you do not diet. You smoke to stay slim. You know you cannot change your face but you can change your body.

7. You invest in expensive inner wear. No make-up. No books though you often wear one in your hand like a bracelet.

8. You pretend to find mainstream Indian culture "interesting" in an exotic sort of way. As if you are a white mid20s woman. Except when noone's watching you tune to whichever channel is showing Karishma Kapoor of the 90s. You also identify more with the politics of a country which would boot you out of its pooling booth. And you feel you "have arrived" if among white friends, the kinds who actually mention you to their families and inner circle as the "upmarket Indian friend I told you about". If outside India, you feel odd when you get into a taxi with an Indian driver since you are running away from the connect.

9. You spend a lot of time in deciding which spectacles to wear.

10. You walk with a twist. You flip your hands when you talk and when you laugh. Like a gay man. Sorry, like stereotyped gay man, pink shirt and all.

11. You hate this list but you smile in a let's-laugh-at-this way.

Bye. I don't dislike you. But since you only live once (you find rebirth funny, right? so.) get in touch with your real self. It's not too bad. And don't worry, I will never name or discuss you. I rarely even think of you but I did today and so I wrote this. In fact, I rarely even think.

I know there're a lot of imperfections in your real world- women are stared at. So are some men like me. But pretending we are all blond American women who find Jonny Lever like an oddity of another race? That's living a lie. Noone believes your lie.

And remember, you're not probably white enough for Jonny Depp anyway. So accept the imperfections; renounce the denial; and play DDLJ one more time. Only this time also when others are around. I know you like Shah Rukh almost as much as I do. It will be nice knowing you.


Anonymous dit tee said...

Now that's what is called opinionated!

3:29 AM  
Blogger Anwesha Chatterjee said...

And has anyone of them caught your eye and distracted you from the tedious legal documents?

11:17 AM  
Blogger Smug Housewife said...

They remind me of Sunil Shetty. And I'm straight for the moment.

9:19 PM  

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