Friday, August 29, 2008

Single Sundays- Tips

One problem of a dude like me who's single (by choice obviously) is how to show I have a Life.
These are my tricks and tips, just so you can appreciate my raw intelligence if nothing else. Once again, women, I do not like getting mails which are disguised proposals. And if you have sent such a mail then atleast send a follow-up mail saying "a friend hacked into my acocunt and sent it." Disguised desparation can be effectively redeemed by deliberate self-effacement.
Now that I have by the aforementioned sentence convinced you of my good-English I can be confident enough to say following things for your kind perusal:

1. I try to catch a late weekday movie. Don't talk about it till Monday. Then on Monday I am like, dude, have you seen Dark Knight? as if I went with friends and saw it on Saturday. Only catch is this secret-weekday movie has to be English and not chick-flick type. You cannot initiate a conversation re Singh is King. If someone else does so, that too if that person is cooler than you, then you can make a quick judgment and leap in later.

2. I try to mention the word "a friend" a lot. Like, a friend told me to try out this place in Sarita Vihar. Yeah, Sarita Vihar. It's not an upscale place so the words "Sarita Vihar" should be mentioned with an orangy twist, almost like you a a thin white tourist in shorts walking around arbit road temples in India.

3. I pick a resturant. Say Tabula Rasa. Ask "have you been to Tabula Rasa?" If the person is over-cool then "have you been to Tabula Rasa lately?"
Chances are he or she will say no. Then you can
a. either say "neither have I- some friends are dragging me along next week" Ref to 2 above. Plus the next week-deadline, makes sure others forget soon. So that way there are no follow-ups. Or
b. if really pushed to it, I say I have been then Sunday and hated it or loved it and focus more on your experience than the place.

If someone says yes they have visited the place then look I very bored, almost intellectual, and then I say something generic like it's overrated.

4. I don't reply to Orkut scraps for atleast 32 hours. Facebook- 24 hours.

5. I have learnt 4-5 exotic food items. Not too exotic; the foi gras and lemongrass variety. That way you can mix and match food with places. Don't try this with drinks if you are a dude. Leave that for wannabe girls, the fast kinds who are on with "Posted by Self" profiles. It's undudesy to be discussing Cosmopolitans and Lichi Martinins and all. Wines are too old-men whiskey too expensive and anyway if you want to show you are American-type it's bourbon so it's too compliancated. So stick to food and good beer.

6. if you were on an arranged marriage road-show, don't tell people. They will ask you follow-up questions and if it doesn't work out they will assume it is coz girl's dad didn't like your smile.

7. Never be foolish enough to ask someone "how was your weekend?" unless you have a smart story to tell about yours.

Bye. Have a good weekend. Hee hee.


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