Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Auditor scrap

This auditor is suddenly turning over-friendly. He sent me a sms about my nice ring tone and then I saw he added me as a friend in Orkut.
He is about 43 years old or so which is too-much I mean if he was a 24 year old girl it was different. Anyway so I was hoping he has not scrapped me but when I logged in again in Orkut there was his scrap with his photo in a checked office shirt saying "What sort of comfort can I give you?" as if auditor comfort letter can be unilaterally negotiated by me that too over website.
So I deleted his scrap.
Anyway, auditors are the last resort of the truly desperate working group. If blaming the lawyers fail, and then blaming the company fails, and then blaming the experts and the ILC fails (though ILC give little scope for all-this), and one day is left before accounts turn stale then the secret handshake among the warring factions is to point Blackberry-worn fingers at the auditor. How long he took if auditing, etc and to make a good hedge for this negotiations with auditor start really late, like how a quarrelsome crew in an ocean liner would toss a safety boat into a roaring sea at the first sign of sinking.
Anyway I need to get to work and so many spies are there at work, that too in my office, that sometimes I feel we should open a detective agency and serve nice biscuits at the meeting and nice coffee also to clients.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Reasons I survive

Life is troubling me more than usual. When I am under the flyover and quickly sneak to buy carrots coz they are cheaper and anyway auto is stagnant in traffic jam, I have started thinking of how shrewd I am and how I will make senior associate in one year's time and sit like purple royalty reviewing stuff for the very important State business work. Sometimes I suspect my firm is in-house counsel for the Government but what the fuck it's the best firm so what the hell and it treats its men well with separate loos and all and drop-back facility at night when it is unsafe.

These are complaints I like to flash when I need some more time on Orkut but need the bonus also:
  • I was cut out by the team senior/other team members: This means I can choose to not work through the deal and only hyperventilate on a few select issues and loudly; not take any initiative or apply my mind to issues- and still emerge self-righteous and also stain the workers in the bargain. When I know the team leader is working too hard, this is my favourite.

  • I was micromanaged: This is a sub-set of the earlier. Except that it imputes less mala fide on the team leader/others so this means they will not approach my whine with an organized approach. This fools them into thinking I like to think of their benefit- how they can delegate more and sleep easy and also tweak the ego by implying some tasks are too low for them. Ofcourse the deal is that I HAVEN'T performed though the reason is I was micromanaged but nooone thinks of that. Even if they do, the word "micromanage" has a cool ring to it, a little like "value-addition."
  • I know more: This is tricky and can only work on the Approvals chapter of a travel company as I have done 3 such. I am a specialist in the Approvals section of travel companies. So the review is for the sake of spending ink, and the law is a secret that is unfolded to me first, like Japan and the sun.

  • I was yelled at: This has potential but then there is too much curiosity to know WHY I was yelled at. It is like drinking the bathwater and throwing the baby also. Coz before the issue of "yelling/being rude is bad- all must behave like host-boys/geishas come what may", there is a preliminary issue out of cheap curiosity is: WHY were you yelled at? Then a coming-out ceremony is forced to take place and the complain basically reads: despite, however, nonetheless.
There are 4-5 others but also but