Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Advantage

One other girl from Symbi I was messing around with for a month hinted marriage.
Pretending to be a retard, I pretended like she is concerned about her marriage generally, and suggested she open a account. "For amusement," I said to subdue any insult.

She slapped me with a roti, and it fell flat on my face like a loose-skinned hand.
I didn't eat it afterwards and even she didn't saying it has become jootha. Fuck her.

Friday, November 24, 2006


4-5 marriages are going on tonight. I am thinking of renting a motorcycle to navigate between them, and tie the presents on the back seat with string. But it will look so bad, arriving at a marriage in a mobike. Like I am the ex-lover of the bride or something.
So I will take my Swift.
I don't know if it is uncool to wear a shawl over a suit. I mean, I wear a suit and I feel cold. Maybe I will carry one inside the suit, and take it out if I see other decent-types wearing it.
These girls also have no shame. Why even wear a blouse if it is so low cut that it will put even Aishwariya in Kajrare to shame? How can their fathers, brothers, husbands or landlords let them leave the house looking like that?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Why must this blog be full of sadness and anger?
Because you wouldn't read it otherwise.
Today I am happy, and so relaxed.
Saw, how boring this post was?
Now if I had talked about a Girl-Lawyer who stapled her finger by mistake, and a Boss who says "nice hair, dude" and winks at me, then you would like it.
So is what I write here usually a reflection of me or you?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

One Trick

One word which will be like Flit/All-Out for a girl who has starting demanding marriage after you acted all nice and lover-type with her for only 1-2 months daily is: NEEDY
This also I have learnt from Bangalore College boys. Just say," Look I don't feel that needy."
She will hate the thought that you find her needy so much that she will pretend to lose all interest in marriage, and just to prove to herself she is NOT needy and is stable, she will be willing to do all kinds of action with you with renewed energy. Like to say, you were only a dildo anyway, just some aawaaraa guy who she met on Orkut or TC when things were so boring that she was not in love or clinging to anyone else.
And guess who will benefit from this show of fake independence and breasts? You, dude, you.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


Some has left a comment that my last post was not funny, and that I am slipping up.
I didn't know I was funny.
I thought this was a serious blog meant to share philosophies, political views, high-class poetry, and social commentaries.
Next time I will supply 2-3 footnotes to my posts in order to be taken more seriously.
By the way, so many Bisleri bottles were kept in the conference room and when a firang tried to uncork the cap, the water fell on his files and water. This is because these are the same old Bisleri bottles-they are just containers so the peons don't have to hover serving water. The water is from the regular Aquaguard.
Throughout the meeting, the firang sat all wet and all.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I had an out of body experience today.
By the way, the way these American teenagers talk supernatural should be something that's as natural as grass growing in the soil, no?
It is super-cool; I was super-upset, etc. etc.
Imagine using slang in documents. And ending a shareholders agreement with:

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Enough of boss-buttering and churning out documents from templates, fuckers!
From now on, I will add an education component to this document. It will broaden your horizons and also attract the type of Calcutta-type girl who likes men who like storybooks, and theories and shit like that.
Here therefore is Elizabeth Barreet Browning's extract which makes a case for poets to represent the current age, and not nestle in the comfort of old glory for today's headlines and tomorrow's history.
[And no if I were in Bangalore Law College, I would not get even an A in history. Don't ask me why, I am too shy to tell why].

If there's room for poets in this world . . . Their sole work is to represent the age, Their age, not Charlemagne's - this live, throbbing age,That brawls, cheats, maddens, calculates, aspires, And spends more passion, more heroic heat, Than Roland with his knights at Roncevalles. To flinch from modern varnish, coat or flounce, Cry out for togas and the picturesque, Is fatal,--foolish, too. King Arthur's self Was commonplace to Lady Guenevere
-Aurora Leigh


Someone commented, asking me to write a post on her as she has also read 60+ pages of this online document, like UBS Woman.
I suspect this is the UBS Woman, who is doing a scientific control test to see if I write about everyone who reviews this document or a chosen sexy few.
Now I have learnt to play games. Better play than sing like that gay baraat of boys
Quit playing games with my heart
Only problem is, you can't play alone. The other one also starts playing. Then ofcourse, like in any good-natured game, it becomes urgently important to win. At the cost of breaking heart and hymen (see how poetic I am?)
I either win or if I can't win I leave the game but never "retired hurt" more like that elder sister you had who was too impatient to see Mario Brothers reach the underwater stage.
Tatatatata Taaa tatatata

Thursday, November 09, 2006

UBS Woman

Someone at UBS Warburg has read 62 pages of this blog. Who are you? Are you an attractive woman who can trade finance job for blow job? No? Why? You need to assess your values in life, and your priorities.
I am a mysterious stranger who can marry you, take care of you, make you have children, and look like a decent complete woman in front of society instead of a loose type with short minis and high heels going about pleasing everyone except a family.
If you are blonde, all the better. You know Indian men love blonds, no. That's why these days even Bollywood extras have yellow hair.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I think the cell phone is like fire. A bad master, a good slave.
See, how profound I am?
It should be a statutory health warning under cellphone ads, like the health scare for cigarettes ad. Show me one guy who dies from ciggies and I will show you five who died from plain old age.
[A girl is after me. I don't know what to do. I was after her, then I lost interest, so now she is after me. How bored we all are, to do all this, when there are so many Filmfares and All ERs and Krishna Iyer judgments to read.]

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Saturday Wine Song

Comarades and damsels,
Ride with me the unruly horses of public policy!
Shine your swords and sing songs, even tunelessly!
For I am high on substance
Broken mirrors, purple, and green
With some red in between
And I am
The Dancing Queen
Only seventeen.

Friday, November 03, 2006


I am working on the weekend. I would rather be lying in a beach with 5-6 girls around me, wearing garlands and skirts like they show in booze ads.
But my Mambo No. 5 song goes like this instead:
A little bit of Agarwal Cements on my lap
A little bit of Modi Tubes all night long
A litle bit of FEMA on my knee
A little bit of Rameshji is all I see


What is Check Point Charlie?
Is it a sexual organ.
Two Bangalore Law college girls were talking about this and giggling hee-hee-hee-hee . They didn't know I had complained to the Boss about their typos, when the typos were actually mine.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


I have to visit Bombay on work. I am feeling so lazy. I wish I could send a peon/office-boy disguised as me, wearing cool branded clothes and all.
As we are from Delhi, it won't even look strange if the peon speaks in Hindi all the time at the meetings, and hugs and pats the bankers there.
I can't imagine packing luggage, getting into a car, then a plane, then a car, then a hotel, then changing again, then a car, then a meeting, then a car, then a hotel, then a car, then a plane, then a car, then home.
And I feel too old and dignified to flirt with air-hostesses. That's such a teenage or 65+ thing.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Today while changing names of the parties from a shareholders' agreement template, I decided something.
The name of my autobiography shall be:

"From Dude to Dignitary- Jottings of a Male Legal Diva"